


I don't know

by SimplyMoeMega



Category: One Piece
Genre: But gonna post it anyway, I don't quite know what I've wrote, Other, Sadness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 06:49:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14075310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplyMoeMega/pseuds/SimplyMoeMega
Summary: A mix of short things I've written, most are sad and can be used with most any character(OC or otherwise).





	1. Would It Matter

"What if I wasn't here tomorrow? What if I either suddenly disappeared or just dropped dead? Would any of you care?" I muttered, but they didn't hear. They didn't see the tears as they trailed down my face, they never do. No matter how much I try and talk to them, ask them even the simplest of questions... I'm simply invisible. "I know I'm a mess, I do want to be better and I know I need to pull myself together. But, what can I do?" I whisper, the tears falling faster and heavier now. I've finally stopped trailing after them, allowing their steps to fade from the sand in front of me. "Not like they even notice that I was behind much less if I wasn't near them at all." I thought glumly, feet turning themselves and taking me towards the forest that bordered the beach. "Why am I such a screw up? My own supposed family doesn't notice my existence," I cried, stumbling through the wild terrain. My feet seemed to catch every single root and every thorned bush, or prickly plants seemed to decide and use my legs as scratching posts. Not to mention how mosquitoes and every other insect seemed to think I was their food that evening. But no matter the damage my brain registered no pain, only the numbness that seeped into my very bones, leaving me with the chilling realization that no matter what I do my family won't notice me. They probably don't even know or remember a thing about me.

Each thought that flooded through my head, each scenario, was worse than the last. I hadn't even noticed when I collapsed due to hyperventilation, the only thing I could focus on is that I was alone. "WHY CAN'T ANYONE BE HAPPY THAT I'M HERE! They pride themselves on family? HAH! What even is family? Because this sure as hell isn't one... you're not supposed to ignore and forget about family."My frustration could clearly be heard in my quivering voice as tears continued to fall. I couldn't take it anymore! For the hopefully final time, I drew my tiny switchblade, opening it with an experts finesse before bringing the chilled metal to my scarred wrist. Slowly, I dragged the blade across my pale skin, watching as the blood soon welled and flowed over my arm. Leaving a track of crimson, others soon following, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough, it didn't erase the pain anymore... only made it more obvious. Who would care if I was to move my blade up just the slightest bit and perhaps nick the blue that was present there? "They wouldn't care..." I sighed, quickly dragging my blade across my wrist. Slitting it clean and not even flinching at the burn that accompanied it, that wouldn't matter soon anyway. I sat there watching the blood flow down my arm ignoring the rest of the world as it slowly grew the slightest bit hazier by the minute. Suddenly a song I heard once broke through my trance, it matched my situation quite well. I couldn't help but hum the tune with a rueful smile over time slowly starting to mumble the lyrics.

"If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anybody care? If my time was up I'd wanna know you were happy I was there. If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anyone lose sleep? If I wasn't hard and hollow, then maybe you would miss me. I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone, someone that I like better. I can never forget, so don't remind me about forever." I sang, slowly growing louder as I came to the chorus with fresh tears dripping from my cheeks and speckling the ground along with my blood. "W-what if I had just pulled m-m-myself together, would i-it matter at all? What I j-just tried not to remem-member, would it matter at all? All t-the chances that have passed me by, would it matter i-if I gave it one more t-try? Would it matter at a-all?" I started to choke up, breath stuttering and body freezing as if I was laying in a pile of ice or a mountain of snow. Smile still present, with new motivation I pushed myself slowly to my feet. I may be done with them, but I still want to see those that I called family for the past twelve years one last time even if it was the smallest of glimpses.

"If I w-wasn't here tomorrow, would anybody care? Still stuck inside this sorrow, I got nothin' and going nowhere. I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone, someone that I like better." I sang, wobbling as I gripped my wrist to lighten the blood flow while heading towards what was my home for the last twelve years. "I can never forget, so don't remind me about forever... What if I had just pulled myself together, would it matter at all? What if I had just tried not to remember, would it matter at all? All the chances that have passed me by, would it matter if I gave it one more try? Would it matter at all?" I continued with the turn starting to chuckling lightly during the chorus, still stumbling through the underbrush while slowly voice started to grow louder as I neared the beach where the Moby had been docked near.

"I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone, someone that I like better... Can you help me forget, I don't wanna feel like this forever... FOREVER!" I had stopped finally at the edge of the woods and stared upon the familiar scenes that lay before me. Partying and drinking, laughter everywhere and everyone celebrating one thing or another. Even those who I had been walking with previously were there, did they ever notice I split up from them?

"What if I had just pulled myself together, would it matter at all? What if I had just tried not to remember, would it matter at all?" I was back to whispering, glancing down I slowly released my wrist and allowed the blood to drip freely once more. With sad eyes I soon turned my back, the whisper of a goodbye on my lips as I walked away from those who I had considered the closest thing to family I could get.

"All the chances that have passed me by, would it matter if I have it one more try?!" finally I dubbed myself far enough, the tears had returned and I once again screamed out my frustration. "If I left tomorrow would anybody care?! Stuck in this sorrow, going nowhere! All the chances that have passed me by, would it matter if I gave it one more try?! Would it matter at all..." I ended with a whisper, falling to my knees and ignoring the numbness that had completely taken over my being. It was over, no one cared so it didn't matter.

"No... NO!" was the last thing I heard before darkness engulfed my, the voice fuzzy and unfamiliar. But I knew it had to of been one of my friends, who knows, maybe I did matter?


	2. Human

"I know that I am inadequate, but, please... let me help. I know there might not be much I can do, but I have to do something! I can't just sit here like some porcelain doll while all of you risk your lives, I... I just can't." I choked out, eyes starting to water as tears of frustration threatened to spill over my cheeks. "I may have been a weak child when you first found me, but I've trained. I am strong, and I can fight. Please, give me a chance and let me help!" I begged, casting my sight right into the eyes of my family, the ones who had saved me all those years ago and yet still coddle me as if I am still that tiny broken child who was teetering over the edge only to be pulled back in the nick of time by some kindred soul.  
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I can't breathe, did they want to try suffocating me to death again? How long has it been since the fight? Two, maybe three months? I thought my family would come, not leave me here to rot. They finally let me join their ranks and fight alongside them, but the only thing that such a victory brought me was more pain than I ever wanted to experience again. Every old wound and scar have been literally and figuratively opened once again.

I know I'm not human, but, not even one of my kind can handle this. They are slowly breaking me, crumbling my trust and hope of my family rescuing me cut by cut as they slice apart my flesh only to gleefully watch it regenerate. Their own private game, filled with actions full of twisted intentions. One day it's simply reopening the layers of discoloured and mismatched flesh, the next leaving their own marks and even brands. Labelling and calling me theirs, as if I was a toy or a piece of livestock that will eventually be sent to the butcher and be put down in my own slaughterhouse.  
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I kept my hope for so long, but now? I am simply lost... I've even forgotten myself a couple of times now. How long has it been now? A couple of months? A year? I've lost all sense of time, it's been drowned by the pain. Honestly, the pain was drowned out everything, I can't hear a thing nor does a single sound now fall from my lips. That strange word that echoes in my head is the only thing that keeps me going, 'family', what is that word? What is a family? What are they to me? Is actually more outside of these four stone walls? And if so, why aren't I allowed to go see those things that are beyond my current reach?

I once asked my master that question in a state of delirium after he once again tested his newest product on me. He simply said that a thing like me was never allowed out before turning on his heel and leaving soon after. He must have thought that when he stated such that the matter was no more. That I would never utter another word that even remotely related to my freedom. But him answering that time with no punishment? All it had done was simply reopen the gates of my urges for freedom, for the 'sea', whatever that may be.

Eventually, even my memories started to flow back, and the struggling recommenced. I would fight as much as I could, and I would free myself, 'family' or no. I am human!  
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They're done with me, the drugs have damaged me so much that I am no longer able to operate properly. I guess in the end I won't get my freedom nor discover who my family was. As I am lead to my slaughterhouse those fuzzy faces comfort me; the tall blond who smells of lilac, the brunet who fed me such delicious foods, the obsidian haired one who I would sit and simply chat with, then the black-maned one whose smiles radiated like the sun itself. Then the giant figure, the only one who I could place a name to; Pops. I would die without remembering them fully... but I had gotten so far. I came back from the edge! My feathers had regrown and even though I would never fly with them again I would still be able to finally fly free.

And fly free I did, I flew once they finally came. It might have been too late, but they were there now. My family had come and with them every single memory! Marco, Thatch, Izou, and Ace... Pops! They were all here! I didn't care that I wasn't going to make it, I was simply happy that they remembered. That they came. In the end, I could smile, smile, as I was impaled on a stake and as my family, walked by without another look... no... NO! THEY FINALLY CAME! WHY ARE THEY LEAVING! WHY WON'T THEY HELP ME!

"Pops?..." I whispered, succumbing to the dark tendrils that slowly swallowed my vision and numbed why pulsing body. I succumbed to death, leaving without my wish coming true, leaving behind my family with my memories of them and yet without their memories of me.


End file.
